im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
