I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
