they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
