how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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