Im at strip club and am horny
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
