i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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