His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We have started to decorate penises.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All the doctor said was why
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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