ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
only if we run a train.
done.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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