Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
