Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
