I'm so fucking centered right now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize