get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
