i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
