U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
