I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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