Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
