I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
