My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
