So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
