There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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