he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My feet surprised me
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