Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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