I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
