i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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