You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
