This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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