I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
