I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
