U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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