I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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