pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
