I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize