I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
