And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize