I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize