So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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