Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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