Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
