this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
