oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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