He disabled his match.com account in front of me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
