I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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