Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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