im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
