just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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