Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he thought i was a dude.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
