He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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