We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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