At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
