It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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