Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
