So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
