Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
