Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
