There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
