I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
