and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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