Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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