Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
