the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
