When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
