how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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