i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
