This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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