I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I should be sponsored by Trojan
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
