just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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