he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
