i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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