we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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