So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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