I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize