my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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