you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
