K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
