Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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