I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
