So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize