Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
